From Stress Fests to the Best Fests: How to actually have happy holidays
It’s the holiday time of year… Full of holy days, celebrations and festivities, laughter, joy, and delight.
Or not.
The holiday season can be far from that. The stark reality is that the holiday season can be a time of significant stress, busyness, and overwhelm. And despite the best of intentions, the best fests can quickly turn in to stress fests.
As the daylight hours diminish, this time of year can also be a time when many people are more vulnerable to experiencing loneliness, despair, depression, hopelessness and/or grief as feelings of loss are magnified. Past wounding may be triggered, especially if significant traumatic events have been linked to the holiday season, or for those who grew up in childhood trauma. Many times the outer social expectations of holiday gatherings and celebrations don’t align with one’s inner state, true essence, or the rhythm of the natural world through it’s cycles and seasons. Thus many inner and/or outer push/pull experiences arise this time of year.
You are not alone. And I can help.
I’m dropping in today to shine a little light in your hearts. And to give you some solid tips on how to experience the best fests and actually have Happy Holidays.
Things to Remember As You Navigate the Holiday Season
Align With Your Soul: First and foremost, align with your spiritual nature. When you identify with egoic structures, the level of the personality, and/or constructs of the mind, you will be seeing everything through the veil of your mind’s conditioned patterns rather than from your true essence. Drop into your heart, feel your spiritual nature, and move from there. This will allow a higher perspective that will help transcend many things. This can help you feel much lighter, activate gratitude, be less reactive and more responsive, avoid unnecessary conflict, and feel more at peace.
Tend to Your Light: When you tend to your light, everyone benefits. When you manage your energy well and value your own happiness, joy, and peace, the world shines brighter. Gone are the days of running ourselves ragged amongst all the hustle bustle. If you are a light seeker, lightworker, or just want to make the world a better place, then tending to your vibrational frequency is a high priority.
Self-Awareness and Healing: The more you restore yourself and align within, the more difficult dynamics on the outside simply disappear.
Feel Your Feelings: Allow and welcome grief, frustration, sadness, or other difficult emotions. The more we lean into them and sit with them (with compassion instead of judgement), the quicker those emotions will process and pass through.
Know Thyself: One way to know thyself at a deeper level is to know your unique Human Design. Human Design gives you solid tools for seeing deeper into what’s right for you as a unique individual, bypassing your conditioning, and moving from your essence energy instead. This preserves precious energy. If you feel that push/pull feeling of being torn and not knowing what to do, follow your Human Design Inner Authority and Strategy to bypass the conditioning field and move into your heart. Often when we feel torn it’s because we’re operating from past conditioning such as mental ideas of obligation or expectation, rather than from our own inner, soul level alignment.
Know Your Values & Priorities: Keep in mind what is most important to you. Is it eating a lot of food? Is it eating turkey? Or is it connection, quality time, and good conversations with people you enjoy spending time with? You don’t have to do anything that isn’t in alignment with your deepest core values, so know what they are and move from there.
Keep It Simple: Do less than you think you can.
Choose to Make it Right and Bright: You always have a choice, and you can always choose again. You don’t have to do what you did before. If something is not in alignment in current time, it may be time to revisit choices and make new ones. You don’t even have to celebrate certain holidays. If you want to create a new holiday, you can do that! Or you can opt to celebrate your own special way. It’s a tough time for many people, and you can commit to doing more than just ‘surviving’ or ‘getting through’ the holidays. Give yourself some grace by committing to changing old patterns by making it your own, and enjoying even the smallest sparks of joy.
Check In: Continually check in with yourself. Are your choices still in alignment, considering how you are feeling in this moment? Are you on course or would it be in the highest for you to shift something? E.g. Perhaps take time to process your feelings or shift your inner state before engaging, or maybe alter your plans entirely.
Question Your Stressful Thoughts: It’s often helpful to step back and witness our thoughts and feelings, because that act alone can create distance and equanimity. It’s the first step in creating change. The greater your neutrality and equanimity, the more able you are to respond appropriately.
Increase Self-Care: If it’s a time of year when you are under greater stress then I invite you to counterbalance added stress with more time for self care. You can do this in whatever way feels most restorative to you: walks in nature, solitude, meet with a good friend, listen to uplifting audios, etc.
Plan Something to Look Forward To: If you are going to attend events that are stressful for you for whatever reason, also schedule something fun, enjoyable, or relaxing afterwards. Give yourself something to look forward to!
Have Self-Compassion: It’s not always perfect when we’re navigating stressful times or challenging circumstances. And that’s okay. We’re not aiming for perfection! Relaxing into more self-compassion can bring you greater peace. Everyone is stumbling, tripping, leaping or gliding towards the light in the best way they can.
For The Empath and/or Highly Sensitive Person (HSPs)
Understand Your Core Indicators: What is your signal that enough is enough? What is your most natural feeling state when you are well fortified and feeling your essence energy. Is it joy? Is it happiness? Is it peace? Identifying the feeling state most connected to your essence provides a powerful indicator. E.g. When your joy/peace/happiness isn’t evident, it may be time to create time to be in your own energy. When your joy/peace/happiness is felt, it may be time to be with others.
To Thine Own Self Be True: Remember it’s not your responsibility to meet everyone else’s needs while denying your own. Gone are the days of martyrdom.
Cost Benefit Analysis: Reflect back on your life and get crystal clear on what activities, situations, and behaviors drain you, and which ones give you energy and leave you feeling great. Write them down. You might even take note of the degree to which certain things deplete you or give you energy. Then take this into account and do the math when deciding upon your best fests. E.g. You want to meet a friend, but the venue is a busy and overstimulating restaurant that will adversely activate your nervous system. Seeing that the cost may be greater than the benefit beforehand, gives you the opportunity to shift into win:win solutions. Ideally, you want the benefits to outweigh the costs for all involved. It’s simple math. Consider doing more of the things that give you energy and less of the things that deplete you - You are worth it.
Only Attend Events as Your Most Fortified Self: If you go into challenging events or situations already depleted or overstimulated, any costs will be magnified. Give yourself time for solitude, rest, walking in nature, exercise, whatever it is that helps you to feel good and feel your core essence indicator, before the event. Grounding and staying grounded is especially important.
Recovery Time: If you are a sensitive and/or empath who feels they want to spend time with family or friends even though it naturally comes with challenges, schedule adequate recovery time afterwards. Make time to be in your own energy, in whatever way feels good to you. Whether that’s walking in nature, relaxing and listening to a healing audio, or reading, or enjoying a “float” in a sensory deprivation tank such as this one: soakbox.com
For Those Who Are Navigating Extra Challenging Situations
Bow Out: Give yourself permission to bow out. The more you work on your own healing, the less you will tolerate abuse or toxic behavior. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to be with anyone you don’t feel safe around.
Show Up Fortified: When you only attend events as your most fortified self you are more resilient. Before the event fortify yourself in whatever way works for you. Getting adequate sleep, enough exercise, meditation, or listen to an uplifting audio, are just some ideas.
Get Clear: Get clear on what you will and won’t do. Get clear on what you will and won’t tolerate. E.g., you’ll allow some less than ideal joking, but you won’t allow any snarky comments, ridicule, meanness, or attacks towards you, your child, or your partner.
Set Boundaries: Many people don’t realize that setting better boundaries allows for more peace and harmony. Boundaries are an act of love. There are many great books on boundaries, and I often recommend this one: Set Boundaries Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab.
Set the Boundaries, and Expect Push Back: If you are engaging with unhealthy people who don’t respect boundaries, it's okay to say 'no' and set boundaries anyway. If it’s no talking politics, set that boundary and expect some digs, some backhanded comments, ridicule, or making fun of your boundary. Often they are trying to get a reaction, so the most powerful thing you can do is ignore the attempts to get a rise out of you. However, if they run all over your boundary, your next step is to respect your own boundary and leave. Be prepared to follow through because that is a part of having boundaries.
Prepare Your Exit: If certain gatherings feel a bit like entering a haunted house for you, than I invite you to 1) consider if going is actually in alignment for you, and 2) have some prepared things to say so you can make a quick exit, such as “I have to go feed the cat,” or “I have another engagement,” etc.
Have a Contingency Plan: Have some type of backup plan, especially if you are on travel or far away from home. Know the local hotels you can go to and know how you will get there. Have a car accessible to you or put extra gas in your car.
Engage Your Neutral Witness: Continually step back and notice your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations as a neutral observer. You’re not interpreting, your just noticing. If you get triggered, just observe the reaction you are having. The greater your neutrality and equanimity, the better your chances are of you responding appropriately in the moment. Are you being triggered because a part of you wants them to change and you are resisting what is? Or are you triggered because someone crossed a boundary and action is appropriate?
Listen to Your Body: Your body never lies and will communicate if something isn’t right. If someone is gaslighting you, manipulating, or has ill intensions, your body will send clear signals. It’s your job to listen to your body’s signals and make your quick exit if need be.
“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Tend to Past Trauma: If old upsets or traumas are triggered at this time, I invite you to get some support in healing old wounds. How do you know if you have old wounds to heal? Generally speaking, when you feel emotionally triggered there is an old upset or wound to process and heal. Hypnotherapy and Soular Alignment Sessions can help.
Bring Your Adult Self to Gatherings: Bring your adult self to gatherings, and tend to your inner child before and after the gatherings. The adult self will help you to stay true to yourself and not put you in harms way, regardless of what someone else is doing or saying.
Tend to Your Inner Child: Tending to your inner child before and after the gatherings could look/feel/sound like reassurance, self-compassion, self championing, rewriting limiting thoughts and beliefs, engaging in some type of artistic craft or fun game, singing, etc. The inner child longs for the ideal family and tends to have magical thinking about the way things are going to go. Your inner adults job is to tend to your inner child by aligning expectations with the reality of the situation, and assuaging disappointment and grief, etc.
Acceptance: The more we resist reality, the more we suffer. The more we accept those things we cannot change (e.g, other people), the more at peace and empowered we will be.
May your hearts be light and shine bright, and may we all remember to tune in to our hearts and only move from a place of inner alignment and joy.
Happy Holidays to you. I am sending big bright blessings your way.
Lisa