Illuminating Shadow
Halloween and Samhain are here. It’s time to carve pumpkins and dust off your vampire teeth, let the skeletons breeze out of the closet, put on black lipstick, and hang ghosts and witches from the tree tops. Or in my case this year, black cats with glowing purple eyes! This is the time of the year when we shed the costumes of everyday living and bring our inner child and shadow selves out to play. It is a transitional season of much change, full of playful decorations, candied apples and abundant harvests. We’re reminded that decay can be boldly colorful too, that falling leaves promise new life, and there is much to celebrate. It is also a time to honor our own journey of inner transformation; our spiritual death and rebirth.
So as we let our shadow selves out to play and honor our journey of transformation, let us revisit what our “shadow” side is - and the value of befriending it.
What is The Shadow?
Our “shadow” is the side of us that we haven’t seen or haven’t owned deep within ourselves. It is the unconscious part of our ego. A lot of shadow concepts are rooted in Jungian psychology or Analytical Psychology, a term that Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, gave to his particular form of psychotherapy.
Carl Jung held that each of us has two parts: the person we want to be and a part of us that does not align with the ideal version of who we want to be. These two parts are often in conflict or opposite one another, like two sides of the same coin. Like angels and demons. We like and approve of one side, and the other side we dislike, reject, and don’t consciously identify with. So those elements of self which we have not owned, and therefore haven’t integrated into our conscious personality, Jung called “the shadow.”
What Creates Shadow?
A person’s familial upbringing, culture, religion, and spiritual beliefs strongly influence what elements of the self are accepted and which ones are denied and repressed, thereby becoming the “shadow” self.
Spiritually speaking, shadow is born out of duality. It is born out of a largely unconscious human phenomenon whereby we believe in separation and take this belief for granted. We believe we are separate from each other, separate from the natural world, separate from Spirit/the Divine/God/your word, and we even separate our own consciousness and parts of ourselves - our body, mind, emotions, spirit, are all held apart when perceived through a limiting human lens.
This belief in separation results in “either/or thinking.” “Either/or thinking” occurs when we judge and divide all worldly phenomena into the different camps of either one thing or another. From a very early age we are taught to ascribe and hold a value to everything, to see everything as either good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, light or dark. We quite automatically and unconsciously judge everything outside of us this way.
Our conditioned tendency then, is to align with one side (attraction) and disown, reject or avoid the other side (repulsion). When we give everything either a negative or a positive value, we separate and compartmentalize everything in our minds. E.g. Rainy days are “bad,” and sunny days are “good.” Because of this we do not see the whole picture - rainy days can nurture introspection, relieve drought, and bring blessings.
We are also taught to be “good,” and avoid being “bad,” and that what we do and feel are either acceptable or inacceptable. So we judge ourselves, and the things inside of us, all parts of us are either negative or positive too: our thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviors, physical body. We align with the parts of ourselves that we perceive or judge as “good” and disown the parts of us that we perceive to be “bad.” Thereby, creating even more separation within ourselves. E.g. Anger is “bad,” calm is “good.” Happy is “good,” melancholy is “bad.” We do not see the blessings - that melancholy times can be immensely creative times, or that anger can be a signal that something needs to change.
“belief in separation -> judgement and either/or thinking -> inner division: shadow vs. light”
With either/or thinking, there’s very little room for things to fall in the spaces between good and bad – there is no grey area. It can’t be both/and, or neutral, or holistic. Everything is only light or dark; there is no twilight. We do not see the whole picture, nor the blessings in the soft tangential light of dawn and dusk.
Then What Happens
The challenge with these phenomenon are that they steal our wellbeing, create discomfort, and can lock us into a rigid and fixed state of identity that is bound by huge limitations. Because our emotional states are connected with our thoughts, the result of either/or thinking and judgement are emotional states that flip flop. Namely, we go through life experiencing the ups and downs of our own emotions based upon whether we perceive (and judge) circumstances, situations, people or our own feelings and inner states as either “good” or “bad.” This keeps us unnecessarily ping-ponging through highs and lows in life, feeling happy/sad, excited/depressed, self-love/self-loathing, stressed/relaxed, frustrated/calm, etc, depending upon whether things in our lives are perceived as either “good” or “bad.” This can feel like we are a bystander in our own life experience rather than having some semblance of agency of our inner emotional states.
And I’m getting dizzy just writing about it! But hey, dizzy is neither good nor bad. The phenomenon of duality, separation, and judgement are constructs of living a human life on earth. And unless a person is a seeker of deeper truths, these phenomenon are so-deeply-ingrained that most people they don’t notice it or question it. It is completely unconscious. We just feel the dissonant result of it and want to feel better!
How Shadow Manifests
Shadow can manifest in a myriad of ways. How our shadow shows up depends upon whether we shine the light on it and own it vs. continue to reject or deny it. If we reject and deny it, our shadow material shows up in our world. E.g. A person with deep seated anger finds themselves attracting partners with tempers. We may also project it onto others. Projection is a phenomenon whereby we see in others what our subconscious level of awareness (unconscious) recognizes within ourselves. When we project, we’re not seeing it as us, we’re seeing it as only them. E.g. A person who says “I know they don’t like me,” but they may actually dislike the person.
“When a situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.”
When challenging things show up in our lives we can potentially really polarize: Angels vs. demons. Victims vs. tyrants. Light vs. dark. Holy vs. evil. Love vs. hate. Superior vs. inferior. Blame vs. shame. Trick, or treat!
Here are a few signs that shadow lurks in your inner graveyard waiting to be unearthed:
self-loathing or self-esteem issues - not really feeling our worth and our value
attracting a certain kind of person or situation into your life over and over again
struggling to have healthy relationships
excessive criticism, judgement, or other behaviors that people may find offensive
projecting onto others - our feelings, beliefs, or even abilities
uncomfortable feelings such as anxiousness or depression
having an inner saboteur that hurls you straight towards your outdated conditioned patterns (self-sabotage)
Shine the Light on Your Shadow with Human Design
There are keys to your shadow places in your Human Design chart. Each person’s chart is a unique blueprint of their soul’s curriculum and potential expression for this lifetime. There are many layers, and each layered element has the potential within it to release the shackles of shadow and dance with it in the light in your own unique way. Your chart shows an entire continuum of possible expressions. On one side of the spectrum we can clearly see what the lower vibratory polarized “shadow” side might be, and on the other side of the spectrum we gain insight into what the higher vibratory exalted expression could be. Knowing this gives us the power of choice!
Let’s take the “gates,” for example (otherwise known as iChing “hexagrams”). Each person’s foundation chart shows 26 to 28 defined gates. Let’s say you have gate 18 defined in your chart:
The shadow of gate 18 might be a fear that you’ll never get it right or perfect (perfectionism), excessive and unnecessary correcting of self and others, being overly critical, getting stuck in revising your creation in an attempt to get it right, but it’s never right enough so it’s never launched, fear of authority, challenging authority, being a rebel, running the polarities of superior/inferior, perfect/failure, rebel/tyrant, etc.
Whereas the exalted expression of gate 18 would be someone who has the intuitive awareness to know when patterns need correcting or need alignment for the greater good. This is a person who can sense when a pattern is off or out of balance, and can discern without judgement; who knows when to let it go, when and if to share what you see, and when to release your creation into the world anyway. This is a person who has a certain kind of intuitive awareness that can see what needs to be corrected for the collective, and creates deeper and higher expressions of joy in the process.
That’s just a fraction of one gate. We could further break it down by the line, look at Richard Rudd’s “Gene Keys,” look at the Center, planetary placements, see larger themes, and look at it in the context of the synthesis of your entire chart - but let’s move on before I digress further!
Shadow Work - Invite Your Skeletons Out for a Dance
It’s important to remember that none of this is who-we-really-are. It’s just the energies we chose to play with in this lifetime - it’s the costumes we wear. It’s what our soul came here to learn about and grow from. And uncovering our shadow side doesn’t have to be as scary as entering a haunted house.
“Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior.”
Working with our unconscious mind to uncover parts of ourselves that have been repressed and hidden from ourselves is referred to as “Shadow work.” Shadow work is anything that helps us uncover the unconscious. This can include subconscious limiting beliefs, trauma, parts of our personality that we consider undesirable, certain emotions, and more. The goal is to unearth those parts of self and integrate them into the conscious personality so that they aren’t unconsciously running the show or showing up in our world.
Shadow work takes courage and compassion, but is doesn’t have to be scary. It’s more like traversing a pretend haunted house as an adult on Halloween, and less like walking through a verified haunted house as a child. Instead of startling and screaming, we simply invite our skeletons out for a dance.
The Trick: Embrace It
Although we may fear the universe will play a grand prank, the trick is simply to face it and embrace it. When we see the outside as a reflection and face our inner shadow, the fear vanishes, and over time we can integrate all parts of ourselves into our conscious awareness and gain freedom. We gain choice in how we express it because there is a synchronous communication between the varying parts of us and we really own and feel our wholeness, our worth, and our value. It’s the dance of transformation, and that’s worth celebrating.
How to Bring Shadow into the Light and Work With It
Not everything that resides as shadow is negative, bad or scary! There are angel and fairy costumes too. We might not see our capabilities and gifts. We tend to fear and resist our shadow because we’re programmed to judge, we dread the shame we’ll feel, or something else. But ironically, leaving shadow unchecked creates more fear, shame, and discomfort.
“When we witness it, we are no longer bound by it.”
In my own process of dancing and tripping, I’ve learned a few helpful tricks along the way. Here are a few helpful tips on how to bring shadow out into the spotlight so you can dance with it instead of be tripped by it:
Be willing to dance with it.
Cultivate a strong witnessing capacity - the capacity to witness your own inner landscape of feelings, thoughts, emotions.
Witness in the absence of judgement. Judging creates shadow in the first place! Cultivate the ability to witness neutrally.
Allow your neutrality to rest in a humongous cauldron of self-compassion and loving kindness towards yourself.
Question your stressful thoughts, as they are connected to feelings of stress, anxiousness, and uncomfortable emotions.
Switch any either/or to both/and. E.g. “I’m right and you’re right. Both of our perspectives have value.”
Keep an eye out for polarized perspectives or getting caught up in common drama roles such as victim, rebel, tyrant/persecutor, savior/rescuer
Create the habit of turning the direction of your looking 180 degrees. Understand that what shows up outside might be the shadow self. This releases blame. It also isn’t about self-shaming - remember the compassion and loving kindness part!
Accept and embrace the masks of shadow that shows up. Accept that we have some hard things and ideas that run us, perhaps some difficult behaviors and thoughts. The sooner you look at those particular masks, the sooner it neutralizes and dissolves.
Take a look at the “good” image of yourself that you show the world (something known as the persona). This is a mask we came up with for survival, and it was necessary and helpful at an earlier time in our lives. The challenge is that as adults it can create resistance to knowing about, understanding, and admitting our flaws or shadow. E.g. Being a “people pleaser” or “nice guy” is a persona that we came up with for survival and its hard to change what’s unhealthy about it because we think it’s totally who we are, which isn’t exactly true. Looking within deeply is looking at why we people please or want to be “nice.”
See a therapist that is a good fit for you. Good hypnotherapy and good psychotherapy can help transform shadow in a safe and supportive way. As can processing of shadow from a spiritual perspective.
If you have a history of trauma, a trauma-informed therapist that you resonate with can really help in your healing journey.
In the larger picture, none of it is real. It’s all part of the schoolhouse we call “earth!”
Keep a sense of humor - as that breaks the spell!
It’s all a bit trixy, but with a little learning and unlearning, we can see that our shadow is really the beautiful darkness before dawn.
The Treat: Benefits of Integrated Shadow
The real treat then, is liberation and illumination. Bringing the shadow back into the light of love enables us to integrate it and function from a higher place. When our shadow side is fully integrated into a well-functioning whole the universe hands out these offerings:
higher awareness
clearer perception and the ability to see the big picture
conscious and clear choices
authentic expression
healthier, more harmonious and satisfying relationships
improve overall wellness and well-being
absence of blame and drama; uncomfortable themes/patterns stop showing up in our lives
self-love and kindness instead of shame
owning and feeling our value and our worth on a deep, visceral level
equanimity and peace with life, with others, with situations, and ourselves - even in the face of challenging situations
feelings of gratitude, and increased ease, peace, love, and joy
a return to the wholeness and cohesiveness of your true nature
an internal sense and knowingness that we are all universally, perpetually supported and sustained
We have the potential to be it all and experience it all, and know the experience of unity as well. We can retain and enjoy our uniqueness as individuals, awaken to our divine nature and experience Oneness. This is where we will find fairness, equity, and peace, and build sustainable collective structures that reflect the love that is our true nature.
How to Be Supported
Illuminating and befriending our shadow is a path to awakening to the fullness of the light within - it can transform everyday experience into a spiritual path. Play with it! It is part of what makes us whole and it feels like greater ease, peace, love, and joy. It can take time to unravel shadow places and sometimes working with a trusted guide can help us navigate the tricky places. If you feel drawn to receiving more support on your journey, I’m happy to help: